just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
