Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
