You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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