i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
