God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please come you make the beer taste better
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
