I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
