First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
