is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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