Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
