JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
