Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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