For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
