my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
