How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
