There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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