I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
