Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's always time for handjobs
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
