i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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