apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Randomize
