I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
