The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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