he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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