half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
