Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
