if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
