What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
