Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
