you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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