hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize