my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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