just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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