I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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