I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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