they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
