So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize