At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
