so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
