Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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