just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
