my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize