...so i touched it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm at about main and main street
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
