the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
