I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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