For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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