Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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