Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
