oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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