fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
