Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize