Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
