If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
