I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
