That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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