went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
