break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
