if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
