They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
