I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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