It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I currently don't understand fingers.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
