I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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