Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
