Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
