My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
