Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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