You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
