just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
