i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
