gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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