Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
