If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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