How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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