I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
