"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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