i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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