It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
